Christmas Morning
by Bon-Bon Emerson
Summary: Written just after the mid-season 3 finale. An alternate look at how the West Christmas party might have ended for Caitlin and Julian.


A used condom.

That was the first thing that Julian saw when he awoke on Christmas morning.

The next thing he noticed was that the condom had been dropped on an unfamiliar carpet, which was on the floor of an unfamiliar room.

It was a few more seconds before the previous night's events came flooding back to him.

Christmas Eve. An invitation. The West house. Eggnog. Mistletoe. A shared taxi. A voice telling the driver that no thanks, this was actually going to be their only stop after all. A voice that was not his own.

A voice belonging to one Dr Caitlin Snow.

He turned over to find her still asleep, her face dotted with makeup smears and the few remnants of lipstick that he hadn't kissed away.

"Look what I've done to your face," she'd chuckled the night before, all content and afterglow-y as she had half-heartedly tried to wipe off the red smudges around his mouth with her hand. To his own surprise, in his own post-orgasm haze he hadn't minded her clumsy attempts.

Afterwards, it hadn't taken long for her to fall asleep in his arms. And then he'd restlessly lain there for quite some time before sitting up. He'd never fared well in terms of getting a good night's rest.

As he'd been standing up to get a glass of water, Caitlin had murmured, "Leaving already, are we?"

"No!" had been his quick reply, the certainty in his voice a mild shock to both of them. "I'm just… I've never been a very good sleeper. I was just hoping to get a glass of water."

Before he could ask her what kitchen cupboard she kept her glasses in, she'd jumped up and begun making her way to the door to get one for him.

He'd thanked her as she'd handed a full glass to him, and as he'd been quietly sipping, she'd decided to address a certain elephant.

"I never did apologise for all the things I did… _she_ did, and I'd just like to say that I'm really sorry. That's why I wear these cuffs all the time now; they stop _her_ from coming out. And thanks for not turning me in."

To say he'd been surprised at her sudden apology, while in her room with her after having had sex no less, would have been an understatement. He stared at her uncertainly for a bit, before putting his glass down on the bedside table and sighing.

"You know I blackmailed Allen. I made him quit his job as a compromise for not telling your secret."

"But you got his job back for him, and you're here with me right now aren't you? You've obviously had a change of heart."

"He did tell me that you weren't yourself when… the events in question took place. And after finding out today what Savitar's been having me do against my own will for the better part of ten years, I can't really fault you for any of the things you did… I mean, _she_ did, to me."

There had been a short pause, and then "I'm a fucking mass murderer, you know. How the _hell_ am I supposed to live with that, now?"

He'd blurted it out before either of them had had any time to properly think.

She'd then decided to follow suit.

"I don't know, I can't answer that for you right now. I know from experience that telling you it wasn't you and it wasn't your fault isn't going to help, so let me help you find another way. "

It was only now in the morning light that he could really process the gravity and meaningfulness of that statement. Or at least he thought he could. What she'd said was honest and it was realistic, but it was also hopeful. Did this mean that she thought saw some good in him? That he could be _redeemed_? That perhaps he wasn't just a one-time shag to her? No, no, of course not, that couldn't be-

A groan.

Caitlin was beginning to stir, and Julian had to put his thoughts on hold.

She looked startled as she opened her eyes, but only slightly and for a split second before the corners of her mouth lifted a little and she whispered "Morning… Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," he replied flatly, surveying her expression uneasily.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

"I'm trying to figure you out," Julian answered honestly.

"Figure me out?" Caitlin asked, forcing out an awkward laugh. "I wouldn't waste my time, and besides Cisco will be over-"

"Ah, there it is," Julian said with an odd mix of annoyance and satisfaction. Before Caitlin could blink he'd jumped out of her bed and was hurrying to pick up and put on his clothes.

Caitlin blinked. "You're leaving, just like that? Why?"

He didn't look at her as he shoved on his pants. "You've clearly at last come to your senses and decided you don't want me here, so I'm going."

"What, I never said-"

"And I even had the decency to not leave in the middle of the night while you were asleep without so much as a goodbye. Please do give me a five star review on Yelp, would you? That would be lovely."

"Let me talk Julian! What the hell are you on about?"

"Haven't you ever heard of a joke?"

"That's not what I meant! And you don't make jokes."

"I also don't wake up in bed with women like you, but here we both are."

"Women like me? What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Women _so_ far out of my league it's not funny, Dr Snow."

They both took a moment to catch their breath after shouting so much. More quietly, Caitlin spoke again.

"Well you're the one who seems to be in a hurry to leave, which I _didn't_ ask you to do, by the way. What gave you that idea? Oh, and for God's sake, you've been _inside_ me, the least you could do is call me by my first name."

"Caitlin."

He sighed deeply before continuing.

"You said you had Cisco coming over. Does that _not_ mean that you want me to leave?"

Her eyes filled with comprehension.

"No, not yet anyway. And Cisco being here doesn't mean that you have to not be here."

"You'd be alright with him knowing about… this."

"He's my best friend. He doesn't care about my sex life as long as I'm enjoying it."

Julian's voiced dropped to an almost-whisper. "You enjoyed last night?"

An unstoppable grin grew on Caitlin's face as she fought the urge to laugh. "You were there weren't you?"

Seeing her face and knowing exactly what she meant, Julian couldn't help but chuckle and allow the last of the tension in the room to dissipate. "Yes."

When their laughter had died, he said "None of this makes sense."

"None of what?"

"You and I. We go from hating each other to sleeping together all in the space of a day. That doesn't make sense."

"When nothing in your life has made sense for three years, something like this measures pretty low on the weirdness scale," Caitlin muttered.

"I just… I just don't know what you want. On the spur of the moment you invite me to your place but then afterwards you don't seem to want me to leave straight away and you even make meaningful conversation. That hasn't exactly been my experience with the various women… and men, that I've slept with over the years. I guess what I'm trying to say is… is this just a one-night-stand to you or is it possibly more than that?"

Caitlin's expression softened markedly, and she took some time to consider how she should respond. While he was right that the chemistry the two of them had was surprising considering their recent history, and that this wasn't exactly a conventional beginning of… something more than a one-night-stand. But as she'd said, it had been years since she'd had a normal life, and even longer since he had, so, she thought, why not embrace that?

She got out of the bed and moved to stand in front of him, placing her hands delicately on his shoulders.

"Well, here is what I want. I want you to take those pants off again so I can fuck you until you forget all about those various women and men that you've slept with over the years who didn't give a damn. Then afterwards, we can both talk about what _else_ we want. How does that sound?"

Julian simply stood there, stunned, and had to take a few moments to collect himself. Soon enough though, he let his own hands land on her hips as he kissed her deeply. He purred into her ear, "I think that can be arranged."

She kissed him once more before swiftly freeing herself from his grasp and taking a step back. Before Julian's expression could register his confusion, she gestured to the floor behind him and said, "But first you're going to take that condom and put it in the trash where it belongs."


End file.
